What if... 2014

As I was listening to the personal development session I felt prompted to write down my goals for 2014. Each one of them started with a what if or would it not be cool if statement. I have done it many times before yet this time felt different. I did not have to think about it, I was just writing them down one after the other. In an eye blink I had well over ten points as goals. Once I stopped and scanned them over I was surprised to realize how different they are from what I am doing now. I was also amazed how different my life would be if most or all of them would come true. Every year I would set goals to improve something about my life or myself. However, this time around they were not about improvements but major shifts. They scared my ego as to achieve those goals I would have to once again let go of the life as I knew it while currently I am on the path to rebuilding it. This was the life I knew how to build and lead as I have done it before. It offers a sense of comfort and security. Yet at the same time my soul rejoiced. Deep inside I felt happy and joyous for these goals. At the present time, beginning of 2014, they mean lots of changes, first times for many things, working through my various mental blocks and becoming even more comfortable in the uncomfortable situations. Yet my soul rejoiced, I felt happy inside as I knew that those goals would take me on the road of fulfillment. They were not simple but felt good and right for me at my present stage of life. I put them safe in the drawer where I can find them at the end of 2014. My intent is to learn to let go of control and let the Universe run its course and support me one step at the time. I am trying to learn not to stress about the due dates and deadlines yet follow through completely what I feel inspired and prompted to do at the given time.

Would you surprise yourself writing out what if statements and letting your imagination and heart run as it pleases? What would happen if you would let yourself openly dream about your tomorrows, write it down and allow the Universe guide you in following through? Please follow your inspiration to share your thoughts or the blog post!

Human Doing vs Being

I feel frustrated as I am busy with work and after work activities but at the same time I feel like I am getting stuck and things are not going anywhere. I have so many dreams/goals I want to accomplish apart from work and could be investing my time working on them but some kind of block is keeping me away. I feel frustration rising within me as I am not where I want to be. Then I stop myself and wonder if I am getting ahead of myself? I am back in the empowerment phase where I want to fully engage and keep working to enjoy the results. I am back into the phase I am trying to exit. Instead of enjoying the day, where I am and breathing deeply I am frustrated on the things that did not happen the way I wanted and on the timeline I wanted. For the last couple of months I have been trying to train myself to let go of the need for results and the timelines.

It is big for me as I have been programmed to do the opposite. Being back in accounting world and going through year end reporting really reinforces my old habits and behavior patterns. Then I had to stop and ask myself, how do I change my perception on the current situation to help change my habits? If you change your perception you change your world, right? It sounds nice but sometimes enjoying the sun and the play until the inspiration comes can be harder than one things. Sad, is it not? Take a deep breath, smile and relax.

Two of a Kind

Growing up my sister and I were always treated as one child or twins if we were lucky that day. We were born 18 months apart and looked a lot alike (still do). I was more outspoken and my sister was the tiny, quite one. Over the years we were successful in establishing our own identities and loving one another with all of our similarities and differences. We are still very much attached by the hip: we have similar facial features, body language, talking pattern, we like similar clothes, and the list goes on. Nonetheless at the same time we are on our own very distinct journeys. I knew this all along but the recent death of our father really brought it home for me. We were young when our parents divorced and we were right in the middle of all the pain and anger that was present for many years after divorce was finalized. Growing up our father was not a present figure in our lives. All children love their parents, we were no exception, but we were not close. When we found out he was sick over the last seven years of his life my sister built a relationship with him. We would talk about it briefly but not until he died I realized how beautiful this gift they shared was. When my sister broke the news about his passing, I lit the candle for him, prayed for peace over his soul and this was it for me. I was pleasantly surprised to witness how deeply my sister grieved. It was beautiful and it made me realize, once again, that no two people are the same.

Knowingly or not, we both received beautiful gifts from him. My sister received warmth, friendship and support. I received the understanding of my "negative programming" empowering me to release unhealthy patterns in my life, which I was desparate for at the time. All those gifts came at different times, places and in different ways. Yet they were perfect for each of us to support us on our journey of life. This was just another proof how wonderfully we are supported by the kind and compassionate Universe of ours.

First One!

I wanted my first post to be about my mother, the most important person in my life. Even now, at 31 years of age, unconsciously her teachings programmed in me are guiding my life one way or another. Growing up we had a very close and loving relationship. Difficulties arose during the late teen years as I wanted to branch out on my own and saw her behavior as controlling rather than loving and caring. I moved out as soon as I secured a job after graduating with a bachelor’s degree and got married in secret as to draw a line between her and I as proof that I am all grown up now. Over next ten years we had little to no contact. It was extremely painful yet I felt I had to take a step back to learn who I was and who I wanted to become. I worked tirelessly on clarifying things I did not like about myself (like lack of self control) and changing it with different behavior. Later I found out that it was called a cognitive behavior therapy. We would get together for holidays or other gatherings but never really talked much. I kept my distance as I saw her behavior as a constant attack and was not aware I was acting the same. She was one of the last people to find out when I was getting a divorce. The process of divorce brought me to my knees and gave me many gifts. Life was not working for me as I knew it and I was desperate. The kind and passionate Universe we live in sent me many teachers I was craving for. I was able to use these new tools over past holidays and experience a miraculous shift in my relationship with my mother. She was visiting for two weeks. The first week was very difficult as she was not feeling well and her stress increased by the hour as the advice on the effort to improve her health she was getting did not seem to help much. I tried very hard not to absorb the negativity and heaviness being kind and passionate at the same time. It was difficult as this was really personal and brought many memories from my childhood yet this time around I saw her more than my mother. I saw her as a person that was suffering internally and externally and was in high need of love through this ordeal. I prayed for guidance and things shifted during the second week. Looking back I can honestly say that first time in many, many years I enjoyed her company. A health scare prompted a deep and open conversation I would have not imagined in a million years. We actually enjoyed each others’ company so much we spent the whole weekend together having lunch, walking around town, etc. The Course says that miracles are taking place naturally but this was supernatural to me.