First One!

I wanted my first post to be about my mother, the most important person in my life. Even now, at 31 years of age, unconsciously her teachings programmed in me are guiding my life one way or another. Growing up we had a very close and loving relationship. Difficulties arose during the late teen years as I wanted to branch out on my own and saw her behavior as controlling rather than loving and caring. I moved out as soon as I secured a job after graduating with a bachelor’s degree and got married in secret as to draw a line between her and I as proof that I am all grown up now. Over next ten years we had little to no contact. It was extremely painful yet I felt I had to take a step back to learn who I was and who I wanted to become. I worked tirelessly on clarifying things I did not like about myself (like lack of self control) and changing it with different behavior. Later I found out that it was called a cognitive behavior therapy. We would get together for holidays or other gatherings but never really talked much. I kept my distance as I saw her behavior as a constant attack and was not aware I was acting the same. She was one of the last people to find out when I was getting a divorce. The process of divorce brought me to my knees and gave me many gifts. Life was not working for me as I knew it and I was desperate. The kind and passionate Universe we live in sent me many teachers I was craving for. I was able to use these new tools over past holidays and experience a miraculous shift in my relationship with my mother. She was visiting for two weeks. The first week was very difficult as she was not feeling well and her stress increased by the hour as the advice on the effort to improve her health she was getting did not seem to help much. I tried very hard not to absorb the negativity and heaviness being kind and passionate at the same time. It was difficult as this was really personal and brought many memories from my childhood yet this time around I saw her more than my mother. I saw her as a person that was suffering internally and externally and was in high need of love through this ordeal. I prayed for guidance and things shifted during the second week. Looking back I can honestly say that first time in many, many years I enjoyed her company. A health scare prompted a deep and open conversation I would have not imagined in a million years. We actually enjoyed each others’ company so much we spent the whole weekend together having lunch, walking around town, etc. The Course says that miracles are taking place naturally but this was supernatural to me.